"I gotta do what I love."
"You're such a dick."
The sun was just starting to rise. Not that they could really see it, being in the middle of a redwood forest, but it was lighter than it had been, so it was time to get up.
Scroat was taking a leak when he heard someone speak behind him.
"Hey there."
"Hey there. Before you say another word, I should warn you that I'm pissing. Any funny business, and your day might get a lot more damp," Scroat said.
"Yeah, I can see that."
Scroat shook, zipped and turned around.
"Ok, motherfucker, where are you?"
"I'm right here," the voice said. "Look harder."
Scroat did, and saw a barrel-chested man in a plaid shirt. There was something kind of weird about him though. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, unless...
"Say there, you're kind of transparent, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am."
"So, uh, are you a ghost?"
"So it would seem."
"Well, boo hoo, motherfucker. Are you expecting me to run off all scared?" Scroat gave the ghost his best you-and-I-both-know-that-ain't-gonna-happen grin.
"Yeah, I was expecting it, but I'm glad you didn't. I'm really sick of people losing their heads and running off screaming. Don't get me wrong, it was awfully funny for the first five years or so, but it's really put a cramp on my social life lately."
"Uh huh. So is there something I can do for you, or were you just getting your rocks off watching me piss?"
"Nah, I just want to talk to someone. My name's Jim."
"Jim, I've got places to be. So if you want to talk, you'd better just tag along behind me." Scroat started walking back to their campsite. Jim drifted along behind him.
"Hep, this is Jim. He's a ghost, and he likes watching guys pee. Jim, this is Hep. He's ugly as shit, and gimpy to boot. Don't ever ask him to wake you up." Scroat walked over to his bike and started digging around in his duffel bag.
"Hi Jim, what can I do for you?" Hep asked.
"Well, I was hoping you guys could help me find my way out of these woods. I've been here for years, and no matter how many times I try to leave, I always end up back at that fallen tree over there."
"Well, I guess you can ride along with me until we're out of the woods. You aren't going to leave any weird shit on my stuff are you?" Hep asked.
"Weird shit?"
Scroat chimed in, "Yeah. Slime, or ecto-whatever... you know, ghost-jizz."
"Oh. Uh. Ummm. No. I'm not."
"Alright then. Get in the sidecar."
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